You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.

First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.

Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.