I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.