California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.