I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"