Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say....

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.