Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.