I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

I came up with a good idea....see-through skin.

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.