Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Women never stalk men; they just research them intensely.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Love turns men into boys; heartache turns boys into men.

The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right.

I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.