If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.