Still trying to block Aunt Lauren out of my mind. Also trying to learn from her paranoia and jealousy like a true adult. While forgetting because it's too much.

But then all I could see was him seeing me. I got nervous. Was he looking at my nose? Did it look giant? Did I have food on my face? I couldn't breathe. I panicked. Because worse than the big nose and possible gook on face was that he could tell I cared. My heart naked and vulnerable.

I work with funny and cute gossipy filmmakers, that are smart and nice like little garden gnomes (tho not Jena, she's tall, lean and more like Glenda the Good Witch, tho in a more judgey way), and who NOTICE THINGS LIKE LOVE! So they can gossip about it when not working on their movie!

Hector messaged: Love is beauty is a kaleidoscope of joy. Some days are just weird. That’s ok.

They're on a retreat!" I yelled out of nowhere, even though I swore I wouldn't say anything. Ever! And now I'm worried I sound insane AND he'll tell someone. Because I'm so confused about being honest!

Here's how it went down: Me standing by Sadie and her mom’s bestie, Taylor Rae Mayfield, the actress. Super cool. Talented. And always at Friday nights, so like family too. They were discussing how ridiculous it is that we feed cats grain-based food when they're pure carnivores, as if you'd ever feed a cheetah sliced bread.

My excitement about Sunday is unbridled. My heart constantly pounding. I dyed my hair pink. Then saw Leo’s face. Dyed it back. Borrowed Sadie’s lime-green-and-pink dress with orange trim. I feel a need to be bright and colorful and noticeable. Yet classy.