Trump is a 12-year-old little asshole stuck in the body of a 70-year-old dumbfuck.

Christians believe:If you love God you go to heaven.If you don't go to heaven, you go to hell.So, if you don't love God, you go to hell.God created everything, including heaven and hell.So he created a torture chamber, in case you don't love him back.Crazy.

Food for thought: Every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. It may save your life one day.

When a troll tries to piss on your leg online, simply reply with: "Does your mom know she raised a little asshole?" It attacks him on so many different levels at once, he won't know how to respond.

Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I'm a dog now.

Next time a little edgelord comments "OK boomer" to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with "I bet you like chicken nuggets." All small children like chicken nuggets.

Ricky Gervais, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.

All you Trump fans are gonna be really pissed off when your condom breaks and your sister can't get an abortion.

What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner.