ALGERNON. And who are these people you amuse?JACK. Oh, neighbours, neighbours.ALGERNON. Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire?JACK. Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them.ALGERNON. How immensely you must amuse them!

ALGERNON: Please don't touch the cucumber sandwiches. They are ordered especially for Aunt Augusta.JACK: Well, you have been eating them all the time.ALGERNON: That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt.

It is a very ungentlemanly thing to read a private cigarette case.

JACK: I would like to be allowed to take advantage of Lady Bracknell's temporary absence...GWENDOLEN. I would certainly advise you to do so. Mamma has a way of coming back suddenly into a room that I have often had to speak to her about.

JACK. [Nervously.] Miss Fairfax, ever since I met you I have admired you more than any girl ... I have ever met since ... I met you.GWENDOLEN. Yes, I am quite well aware of the fact. And I often wish that in public, at any rate, you had been more demonstrative.

JACK.I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.ALGERNON.We have.JACK.I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?ALGERNON.The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.JACK.What fools!

My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep.

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!