Everyone knows you drink white wine with ass. I'm joking; don't drink any wine with ass. It doesn't pair well.

I don't want your hanging meat parasailing toward me. Please, double bubble-wrap it, and put it in storage already.

My safe word is pineapple.

Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?

Many people have asked me, "Why title your book Creating a Concierge?" There is no correct answer. Call it creation, evolution, or chance, but ultimately it's what felt right.

Being an asshole to us just makes you look like an asshole.

All the world is a stage, concierges are but actors in it.

In what universe would it be okay for someone to take a redneck dip in a hotel fountain?