Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who do not.

One, two, three / Buckle my shoe.

People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but—" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.