It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."(Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, May 16, 1767)

All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.

...humour when explained is no longer humour.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Un animalucho con un bonete en la cabeza, que cortando el hilo a todos los filósofos dijo que el sabía el secreto, y se hallaba en la Suma de Santo Tomas; y mirando de pies a cabeza a los dos moradores celestes, les sustentó que sus personas, sus mundos y sus estrellas habían sido creados para el hombre. Al oír tal sandez, nuestros dos caminantes hubieron de caerse uno sobre el otro pareciéndose de una risa inextinguible.

Quand celui à qui l'on parle ne comprend pas et celui qui parle ne se comprend pas, c'est de la métaphysiqueWhen he to whom a person speaks does not understand, and he who speaks does not understand himself, that is metaphysics.

How many plays have been written in France?' Candide asked the abbe.'Five or six thousand.''That's a lot,' said Candide. 'How many of them are good?''Fifteen or sixteen,' replied the abbe.'That's a lot,' said Martin.

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another.