I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.