Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.