Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!