1,680 Quotes About Comedy

I should have known that having "end of the world" sex wouldn't solve our problems. Though, it was pretty great and I highly recommend it.

Build mutual friendships. Just be ready to end them when your friends start trying to eat you.

If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science

Well, what do you know? Fakespeare!

The Dispatcher had played with his phones, calling from one to the other. Then he put them all down and announced that he had them on "hold," a curious expression since it was the first time in half an hour he hadn't been holding one.

The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen's example, was sleeping with your superiors.

Because I'm not really certain she'd make the best travel partner through a zombie-infested city, he hissed. She gets confused by Scrabble.

Lactose intolerant milk?! KISS, MY, DICK!

Look before you blunder