1,680 Quotes About Comedy

Doing Comedy is No Joke

census: (n.) being counted so we can be discounted.

A lot of countries surrounding Italy aren't so bad. That's because the Roman Empire conquered and raped their women. So there is a little bit of Italian in everybody! This is good news, as all Italians bear this in mind when dealing with our neighbors and other foreign-fucked, heavily raped countries, and it gives us the resolve and compassion to deal with their bullshit.

What’s funny? Who defines what’s funny? To be honest funny has no dimensions.

To comedians and humorists, God is laugh.

I really don't want to discuss the merits of cabbage with you.

fanny-pack: (v.) to put on a few extra pounds during the holiday season.

You may be offended by the shit I say but I'm more offended by your lame ass excuse for being offended

If Ashton Hamid had a patronus, it was an overgrown Great Dane. He was all long arms and knobby-kneed legs, bony elbows and size sixteen feet. The resemblance extended to his face too. His brown eyes seemed perennially tired, punctuated by drooping lids and sloping black brows. Chin-length hair flopped over his eyes and behind his ears. His clothes—bought to fit his six and a half foot frame—always looked three sizes too big.