316 Quotes About Funny-and-random

I don't know how much more of this 'sugarplum' shit I can take. I'm about ready to hand over my balls just so he can feel what it's like to have a pair again. -Jackson 'Blame It on the Pain

Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.

Animals raise their children, too. I don’t know why they keep them around. Kill ’em and be done with it.

They told me I've got writer's cramp. So is that better than the block?

Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, the imagine my mom and dad having sex.

Anytime you can escape to an adventure do it, what have you got to lose? Just keep turning the page.

He looked earnestly at me, as if that was important to me.

Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons.

Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, they imagine my mom and dad having sex.