316 Quotes About Funny-and-random

My good sense bitch-slapped my estrogen and told her to get a grip.

This isn't a trunk monkey, is it." Nick"No. It's not. It's a memento from your enemies." Caleb"Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler." Nick

World domination is just my side gig.

F*ck a duck and sh*t on a goldfish cracker!

I´ve been Obeahed by an Obeahman? Is this like how the smurfs say they smurfing smurfed all the time?

it's not my fault my parents own the world's largest collection of black santas

I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” he asked smiling, knowing full well he heard me just fine.“I – LOVE – YOU!” I repeated, emphasising each and every word. “Did you hear me now or would you like me to repeat it?”“As often as possible, I would hope,” he said, kissing me softly under the evening sky.

Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.