286 Quotes About Funny-but-true

Clarence Thomas got his ass on the court. If Brett Kavanaugh gets ousted, THAT'S RACIST.

The melancholy caused by man’s intransigence argues for a third ear if he is to be more vicarious.

If dogs don't go to heaven, well then, from the yardstick of karma, so too did not your dear revered ancestors. And of course, dog damn it, you certainly won't.

If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I'd hate liberals too.

When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're black, that's racism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're female, that's sexism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're a leo, that's astrology. Notice a pattern? It's all nonsense.

The problem with Trump voters is, they're so dumb, they don't even know how much stuff they don't know. They just assume nobody else knows more about evolution or global warming than they do. If they don't understand how it works, they think nobody understands how it works.

If you seriously believe that your imaginary guy up in the sky told you to kill people of a differing faith and religion, your illusory pal is a dickhead. And of course and therefore, analogically speaking, so are you, shithead.

Trump voters hate my books. They can't stand it when a book makes them think.

How did I get IT? Well, I had the balls enough to cry, howl and beg for 'It'. This is the only Way. Get it!