48 Quotes About Funny-life

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Life is a near-death experience.

The gods throw the dice and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not.

Airplane Law, The: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.