528 Quotes About Hilarious

I still love her. But she's retarded, too.

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I'd turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Is this chicken or is this fish?

I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.