5,226 Quotes About Humour

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.

I got swirling eyes and the capacity to shatter windows with my bare voice. Tod got teleportation and invisibility. The supernatural world is so far from fair.

When it comes to their love lives, some people do not really have high standards; they merely have low sex drive.

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

When you've been around as long as me, Lucy, you'll know that there are three types of sex... One - brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two - bedroom sex. Then number three - hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'Fuck you.'" - Lockie

Kyou handed him a small USB drive, barely bigger than his thumbnail. “Wireless bridge. Plug it into the back of the camera and give me five minutes. We’ll be set.”“You want me to bullshit my way through measuring for hardware for five minutes?”Kyou patted him on the arm. “You’re charming. You’ll be fine.

And so Mort came at last to the river Ankh, greatest of rivers. Even before it entered the city, it was slow and heavy with the silt of the plains, and by the time it got to The Shades even an agnostic could have walked across it. It was hard to drown in the Ankh, but easy to suffocate.

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills.

Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws.