4,834 Quotes About Jesus

Jesus turned the holy water jars of the synagogue into vats of wine.

Jesus is baffled by Tinder. He wants to love his matches, but is strictly celibate. The Holy Ghost does all of Jesus’ fucking for him. Apparently, Jesus calls his penis Lazarus because he has to raise it from the dead. It takes a miracle to get it up. Only torture porn gets him hard.

Because when I think of a naked shadow on a gnarled and naked tree, my mind jumps straight to Calvary. To a Savior who is not a blonde-haired, blue-eyed other, but a tan Jewish minority languishing on a cross. Suffering alienation, hostility, and isolation. And many think that's who Langston is pointing to as well.

the only path you should follow is the one that God has in mind for your greatest purpose

We are part of God and he part of us. We are a community of gods in the making, a society of the divine. Never let anyone tell you that you are bad, a sinner, weak, unworthy, wretched and depraved, in need of Jesus, Moses or Mohammed. You need no one except yourself. You need no faith. It’s knowledge that will deliver you.

When we elevate the relevance of our intellectual acumen to the point where we now declare God as irrelevant, we can be certain that the one thing that’s become strikingly relevant is our imminent destruction.

The whole question is; "How precious is he to us now?" If we do not think much of him, then of course to give him anything at all, however small will seem to us a wicked waste. But when he is really precious to our souls nothing will be too good, nothing too costly for him; everything we have, our dearest, our most priceless treasure, we shall pour out upon him, and we shall not count it a shame to have done so.

the world is hanging in a sewing thread by the hand of God

How many enemies were headed my way whose battle lines I never saw and whose piercing arrows never flew in my direction because God destroyed them before I ever caught sight of them, or they of me? More than I can count, but never more than God can destroy.