437 Quotes About Jokes

And so the twins had remained virgins. Julia and Valentina watched all of their high school and college friends disappear one by one into the adult world of sex, until they were the only people they knew who lingered in the world of the uninitiated. "What was it like?" they asked each friend. The answers were vague. Sex was a private joke: you had to be there.

I'm sitting at the bar, rearranging the order of my jokes. I'm under the delusion that I'm having bad shows because of some cosmic misalignment of words, phrases, and ideas. I may as well have cast runes into a spirit bowl, hoping that the collective heart of the audience would open to my necromantic call. Maybe that's how jugglers do it. Those guys never have shitty sets.

The day I understand what's going on in her psychotic little brain they'll have to lock me in a psych ward.

what came first the chicken or the egg?The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.

Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting.

A joke is a question of mind over manner.

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

What joy a forest without birds can give? And what happiness a man without jokes can create?

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.