1,006 Quotes About Satire

You are either on Wall Street or you’re a bum and there’s nothing in between.

One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can't. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

My only regret is that I don't have more to regret.

I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music'...I make fight music, for high school kids.

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me can't understand it.

We, Seth, Emperor of Azania, Chief of the Chiefs of Sakuyu, Lord of Wanda and Tyrant of the Seas, Bachelor of the Arts of Oxford University, being in this the twenty-fourth year of our life, summoned by the wisdom of Almighty God and the unanimous voice of our people to the throne of our ancestors, do hereby proclaim...

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.

— Вы были женаты?— Ну да, вот же я и щёлкаю… На этой... Вареньке, Манечке… нет, Вареньке… ещё платье полосатое…

Oh, those hateful sods will never make it to Heaven. They’re all on an express elevator to the gay spit-roast dungeon in Hell. Within five minutes of kicking the bucket, they’ll have demon balls swollen with fiery spunk slapping off their shapeless chins.