He didn't want to have to be the Gay Best Friend providing life lessons for liberal straight people. He just wanted to get laid.

I wouldn't want to fuck you if you had a ten inch knob made of gold and your arsehole was the gate to Nirvana. I can't be friends with you because you're a gibbering twatwaffle, not because I would ever, in a million years, want to shag you. Get over yourself!

You're just jealous of my beard.""No. No, really not. It makes you look like you've got a ferret trying to shag your chin.

I don't think you're going to pull the wool over anyone's eyes with all this macrame talk.

Nobody's straight," said Cedric, rolling his eyes. "They are just confused. And too sober.

There – that was the awkward 'I think you're lovely and I do hope we can be friends but, oh, by the way, please don't get flirty because I'm not really in the vagina business' bit over and done with

It turned out that it was difficult to stay cross with a man when you could see his nipples.

[Arthur to Merlin]I'm the Prince of Wales, and you're Welsh. I can do whatever I bloody well like to you.

Merlin, if you don't stop whining, I'm going to take Gwen's sword and beat you to death with it," said Arthur, evenly."It's plastic.""So it will take me a long time. I'm still game.

[Arthur] "Er... Just how much did you have to drink?"Merlin frowned at Arthur... Both of him.