I think it’s time to stop carping on the blunders of the President and give him some credit for creativity. I mean, where do you even FIND a Jewish hard-line conservative Republican pot-smoker? Sounds like an Oprah Winfrey guest.

You know, you look at the chaos in the conservative camp right now, it’s only too tempting to blame it all on pot. But in fact, the Reagan revolution owes a lot to Reefer. For one thing, it’s made the symptoms of senility socially acceptable.

I’m not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn’t exist? That’s way too convoluted for me.

I don’t know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn’t give you more rights.

Enjoy every minute. There’s plenty of time to be dead.

The Bible says, ‘The truth shall make you free.’ But let’s not forget it was Spiro Agnew who said that a good lie will keep you out of jail in the first place.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It’s very embarrassing.

There are a billion people in China. It’s not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you’re a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.

The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn’t thought this thing through.

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.