Let the optimist and pessimist prattle over half the glass. I’m a pragmatist; I see the matter best settled by drinking so we can move on to the next round.

I’m always amazed by morning TV hosts and their ability to cook triviality to perfection.

I’m always amazed by morning TV hosts and their ability to cook the insignificant to perfection.

Young people are wearing T-shirts that say, "The future is female." It makes you wonder whether they still teach about continuation of a species in school.

The T-shirts say the future is female, but I'm hoping the future is human... or we’ll all go the way of the mastodons.

The T-shirts say the future is female, but I'm hoping the future is human... or we’ll all be out of a job.

When I was young, I would avoid people with sniffles so I wouldn’t catch their colds. Now that I’m older, I don't need a reason.

I know that people say ignorance is bliss, but I say it’s incredibly irritating - and usually to someone's face.

Call me nostalgic, but I miss the days when the world made sense and we could slap some into people.

The two things I remember most about college are forgetting what I learned and spending a fortune for the privilege.