A responsible step in loosening the grip of any lie we might be living is to ask ourselves, solemnly and seriously, this momentous question: “Might I be in the wrong?” What gives this question its power? The answer can be stated very simply: Just to ask the question seriously, even without answering it, is already to undergo a change of attitude.

Who we are is who we are with others. How they seem to us is a revelation of ourselves.

Still is just the right way to be. You rise in the morning to go about your day. You remember a friend who has troubles. You don’t quibble with yourself about whether to call her; you don’t write a reminder on your Palm Pilot or in your planner to make the call tomorrow. You just call. Simple.

Self-betrayal occurs when we do to another what we sense we should not do or don’t do what we sense we should. Thus self-betrayal is a sort of moral self-compromise, a violation of our own personal sense of how we ought to be and what we ought to do.

In a self-betraying condition, how we present ourselves unavoidably becomes of the focus of our concern, and we mistakenly confuse it with how we really are.

There is no better means of promoting another person’s change of heart than allowing our own heart to be changed.

Three aspects of the self betrayer’s conduct always go together: accusing others, excusing oneself, and displaying oneself as a victim.

Living in the box means being convinced that other people and our circumstances are responsible for our feelings and our helplessness to overcome them.

There is a vast difference between living according to one’s idea of what it is to be good, and actually being that way.

There is no better means of promoting another person's change of heart than allowing our own heart to be changed.