With the first drink comes the truth, with the second drink comes wishful thinking, and with the third drink come the lies

Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just something we haul to the grave.

Look, Neal, Hawaii is not some magical pixie wonderland; it's an American state populated by atomic weapons, a remnant native population and people too stupid to spell their way out of a paper bag. Most of them came here to escape pathetic lives in the forty nine other states, so in some sense, Hawaii is a scenic cul-de-sac filled with people who want to drink themselves to death without feeling judged.

Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise. Most people can't handle a structure less life.

Fate is for losers.

When the world throws you too much information, the only way you can stay sane or survive is to look for pattern recognition. Amidst all the blurs, is there a constellation that emerges, is there a straight line that's emerging?

We were never supposed to live until 40. We were built to self-destruct at 30, whether from cancer or mental illness. We're all going way beyond our expiration date.

You're smarter than TV. So what?

I've never gone on Facebook or MySpace.

I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'