As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.

I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas. You can pretty much do it all day and all night if you want to.

What good is democracy if you can’t get what you want?

I wish I could end every rap song I didn’t like with a buzzer.

My cranky cardiologist says I’m destined to die in the kitchen.

What right does a politician have to tell me what I can and cannot watch? Change the channel if you don’t like what’s on TV!

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren’t doing better than they are.

I don’t care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.

I don’t run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it’s the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I’m very businesslike about my runs.