You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

What is universal can be surprising. Over time you find the kind of stuff which has people thinking 'That is just something that occurred to me... there's something wrong with me', is in fact stuff that is universal.

I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised... yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.

I don't watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers; they make me laugh the most. Something gets you when you're alone and someone's voice is coming through their work. There's a different quality to it that stays with you a bit more.

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that.

I enjoy performing, always, but when you’re taping a gig, you’ve got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that’s surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won’t be able to do anything.

The characters can’t be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? ‘Oh that’s enough jam tart for me, I’ll just go now and clean the toilets.’

You’re supposed to eat the cows. They’re great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.