Quotes by Elayne Boosler

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don’t have bullfighting.

You know you’re getting fat when you step on the dog’s tail and he dies.

I’ve never been able to write for stand-up.

Real comedy can’t be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Laundry’s easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put ’em on, dry ’em with a hair blower.

I can’t get married. I can’t fake sleep for 30 years.

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It’s the best way to see a city.

I didn’t get a high school diploma. I really didn’t have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.

As for being a voice in politics, I feel whether you are famous or not, busy or not, it’s incumbent upon every citizen to participate in this government in any way we can.

I think about death. I don’t want to die with clothes in the cleaners.