Spooning and sideways positions can get hot and dirty but they also can be about building connection and closeness. If you want to get super intimate and close, sideways sex can get deep quick when you’re skin-to-skin against your lover and moving in rhythm together. Your bodies feel snug and more conjoined than ever.

So it is with sexual pleasure. Sure, I can show you the positions that work best if you’re a plus-size woman, but none of it will help you enjoy sex if you don’t know how to perceive and extract pleasure from your own body . . . and I’m not just talking about orgasm. The first step to experiencing sexual pleasure is knowing how our bodies are built to give us pleasure so we can take advantage of all they have to offer!

For the curvy gal, a wand like the Original Magic Wand, is essential because of its length and strength; it can navigate over a large stomach to reach the clit with ease. Another reason a wand is a fantastic tool to keep close is that girls with big tummies can tuck the handle of the wand under their soft belly to hold it in place during missionary-style sex.

Trailblazers in feminist Porn include female filmmakers like Tristan Taormino and Erika Lust, who make certain that their actors are treated fairly and respectfully. They create sexy, sensual visuals and storylines, and always make certain their actors have chemistry, connection, and real orgasms.

When I’m asked what the number-one tip for better sex is, I always say conscious breathing. By controlling your breath, you also control the oxygen in your bloodstream. Highly oxygenated blood gives our bodies more energy and helps our organs function to their highest potential. Just learning how to do one very simple specific breathing technique—like Breath of Fire or synchronized breathing with your partner—during sex and at climax can significantly improve your pleasure in the moment.

The Wishbone in Your Pants What the head of the penis is to a man, the clitoris is to a woman—literally. We all start out the same in the womb until biology decides whether our erectile tissue covers a penis or is made into a nub with a set of legs and bulbs.

Consent can be sexy! Reframing a question as part of seduction/foreplay allows couples to be clear about what kind of sexual activity is allowed while keeping the mood alive. Saying, “I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss you” in a soft, seductive tone can feel easier (and hotter) in a steamy moment than, “Do you mind if I kiss you?

Fantasies are an essential part of a healthy sex life. Respecting and expressing your own needs in a responsible and loving way builds your sexual confidence. Never forget that you are in charge of your own sexuality, and you deserve an exciting, sensual, and communicative sex life!

I get asked this question the most: “What’s your number-one tip for improving someone’s sex life?” My answer is always “Communication.

Mutual masturbation can be a terrific precursor to intercourse, or it can be a main event all on its own. I’m a big proponent of mutual masturbation for couples looking to reestablish intimacy in their relationship. Masturbating each other or in front of each other can build anticipation, tease each other, and serve as foreplay. There’s so much room to explore.