The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I’m sure now there’d be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they’re not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.

To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that’s how you do things.

I’m fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I was in Vancouver, and I was in what I was told was the poorest neighborhood in North America – which I find very hard to believe because has anyone here ever been to Detroit?

I don’t emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it’s truly a toss-away word.

I don’t think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

Oh, Hello. I’m Eugene Mirman, and I’m here to introduce my special. It’s called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.

There’s something therapeutic about connecting with an audience – when there’s something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.