Majestic doesn't appeal to us. We like the Grand Canyon better with Clarence and Arlene parked in front of it, smiling.

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when her daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says,' Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

A good newspaper is never quite good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.

They say such nice things about people at funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.

...when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulders and says,'Daddy , I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

To all teachers— past, present, and future. Yours is the greatest profession! Thanks be to God for the teachers of the world.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about. What's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty dollar haircut on a fifty cent head.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm and we all go through it together.

I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the box full.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.