If I’m at home for the weekend – and that is almost never – I tend to get twitchy at about eight o’clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don’t know what to do with myself.

It’s so clear cut with a comedian – you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don’t. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and ‘manned up’ in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I’m not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I’m no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

I’m not worried about the Third World War. That’s the Third World’s Problem.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I’d stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.

I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead.

There’s things that I couldn’t joke about but other people could.