Look, I really appreciate you bringing me here, but I think there’s something you ought to know about me.” David smiled. “If it’s that you’re gay – “ Oh, puh-leeze. “No – God, no. I mean, yes, obviously, I’m fruitier than a greengrocers’ convention, but no, that wasn’t what I was about to say.

God. How would I cope if I went to jail? I’d never even been to boarding school.

Having a good memory for numbers isn’t actually a failing, you know.” “It is when it’s weird. Are you sure you’re gay? I’m beginning to think you’re mathmosexual.

I was thinking of Cambridge, and then I got a bit homesick for a minute, ’cause I never been this far away from home before. But the I remember you’re here, and now I’m not homesick no more.

Mum always says it’s really important to get three meals a day, even though she’s always on a diet.

Or, if the Sun wrote it, Poofter Plumber goes Postal in Potter’s Bar.

No, that’s just Saturdays.” The whisper came from an orange-belted ninja. Did that make him a ginja?

See? I knew that’d get you in the mood. Good luck finding your lowest common denominator. Just remember, no multiplying until the third date.

I’ll learn all the katas and be the ninjing-est ninja that ever ninjed.” Bubbles whined, so I bent down to rub his silky little head. “Is it the c-word, Bubbs? Don’t you worry, we love the doggas as well as the katas.” David laughed.

I was coming so hard I literally saw stars. My orgasm seemed to go on forever, blacking out my vision and tearing through my body so violently I felt it had to leave a scar – and God, I’d wear that scar with pride.