Women all live a double standard, but this is actually sort of a beautifully grotesque parody of it. There's a weird kind of joy that I have in seeing [Hillary Clinton] trounce this essence of male bullshit.

If you can't run, you crawl. If you can't crawl you find someone to carry you.

Avoiding stress isn't the secret. You know, for a man who's supposed to be avoiding stress, you picked a place to settle.

Everybody who labels themselves a 'nerd' isn't some giant person locked in a cubby hole who's never seen the opposite sex. Especially with the way the Internet is now, I think that definition is getting a little more diffuse.

I always believe in just have as much fun as you can so that when you're in the part that you hate, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, that you're closed to finished.

Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?

If every vampire who said he was at The Crucifixion, was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.

Everything is a drug. Family, art, causes, new shoes... We're all just tweaking our chem to avoid the void.

I love a good romantic comedy.

When people say to me, 'Why are you so good at writing at women?' I say, 'Why isn't everybody?'