Riley’s sway as he disappeared down the alley, I recognized it. It wasn’t booze. It was the thing that happened when a little too much got a little too messed up. They sway, it’s what creeps over a person when they’ve begun to empty out and don’t care enough to put anything back, to replace what has been lost.

I kept walking, but inside, I felt myself pause, just for a second.

They make me... they make me think of being stuck somewhere? I don’t know, like weighted down, but then these patches...

I think of those photographs taken inside waves, the ones with surfers in slick suits on boards coasting through the tunnel of water, eyes wide. I think they must feel protected inside that curl of water, inside the sudden silencing of the world, even if only for a few minutes.

Evan always used to day that it wasn’t that you couldn’t see that you should be afraid of, but what was right in front of you, in plain sight.

That’s what was in my head in the attic when I took broken glass from my tender kit and began to cut myself into tiny pieces.

She said,“Don’t be scared, little one.

It’s all right if you can’t remember. Our subconscious is spectacularly agile. Sometimes it knows when to take us away, as a kind of protection.

There are so many people who are never coming back.

Sometimes you’re so hungry, so thirsty for something to fill you up, you’ve craved it for so long, but when you finally have it, it hurts going down. It’s not a medicine for what ails you. It might just be the thing that is keeping you sick.