I met Jessica in her thoughts and we were both trying to understand death. I couldn’t understand the point, especially why one has to die young and they never had the chance to marry and have kids. Sometimes I wonder what the point of living is, if you know that life is going to end, it feels like studying for a test that you know doesn’t hold any marks.

When I looked through old pictures of my family, I always thought that the reason why they looked dusty was because of the quality of the camera back in the days but then my mother would explain to me that the picture literally reflected the times they lived in.

They say rape is the practice of sexual intercourse without consent but in my case, I did consent. I knew it wasn’t him. I could tell it was another person that was in that room with me. Have you ever watched the movie “Face off”? They had this ‘hand-down-the-face’ touch that distinguished the bad guy from the good guy. I remember touching his face, I knew it wasn’t him.

I wonder why they named me Lunga since it means strong and my entire life I felt like I wasn’t strong as my name stood for. The other day I met this guy who told me that when he finally knew himself, he changed his name into something new and different. He told me that his original name represented something to his parents and not him, the name meant his parents’ story, not his. I too wanted to name myself something else, so I didn’t have to carry this responsibility of trying to be strong.

I could bring the difficult childhood card but that would be a lie because I had the most decent example of a good childhood. I never lacked love, on the contrary, I think I had an excess of it because too much love made me incapable of seeing the evilness of this world. And when I did, it made me start to question all the good in this world.

The pig was always there staring at me, as I took off my clothes, I wondered if he could be turned on by me. We live in such a crazy world, where people find themselves in the wrong body and they seek permanent change, I wonder if one day a pig woke up and realised he is in the wrong body. I think I was going crazy, I had a lot of thoughts and no one to talk to.

They always think things could be much worse and surprisingly they found comfort in that. When I fell from the motorcycle, they said “At least you didn’t injure your head...

Love is not endless, depression is… you just need to be able to live happily with that

You know there is always something I am not ok with, it’s either my hair is falling like crazy, I am gaining weight or my skin looks terrible. I just feel like sometimes it’s my mind speaking through my body saying that I am not ok. But today I was ok…

I placed all of them in my right hand and I swallowed them at once. At that point, I did not care at all; I had already been dead a long time ago. I have died so many times in this life and looking at what people have done to me, I just needed to my life to be over.