For thirty-two years I went shopping with my coupon box in towwithout ever seeing another consumer with either a coupon box orbinder. Not once. I spotted small coupon wallets that fit in a purseor envelopes of coupons, but never a box or binder. By early 2011,I was beginning to see women with coupon binders everywhere Iwent. All of a sudden, couponing was hot. It was as if couponingwas a totally new concept, and yet coupons had been around forover 125 years.

Later, as I attempted to lean over the high sides of the hospitalbed to kiss David, I couldn’t reach either his forehead or his lips, soI began kissing the length of his arm.“I love you,” I told him before I was ready to leave for the night.His beautiful brown eyes locked with mine.“Thank you,” he replied simply, grabbing hold of my hand withhis. I brought it to my lips in response.Thank you, as if my love were a great gift to him, when all alonghis love was the gift to me.

Despite their inherent messiness, consumers aren’t about togive up on a mode of savings that is so much under their control.Afer all, the price savings from a coupon is guaranteed to godirectly to the consumer using it. A coupon can allow a consumerto purchase brand-name products at the same, or sometimes evena lower price, than a store brand. And only the coupon-using consumerobtains those benefits.

I started taking walkswith my children on trash day just to collect the extra proofs ofpurchase. We’d roam the alleys together, stopping at each diaperbox. I learned to swiftly tear the proof of purchase off in a stealthmaneuver I’d refined with practice: pushing the stroller up closeto the box, bending down as if tying my shoe, and ripping off thequalifier, all in less than thirty seconds.

You have no idea how well you are doing,” John complimented mejust a few minutes after he mentioned the Christmas card. What did that mean: That I was doing well? That I’d come to a family gathering? That I’d remembered to bring food? That I was dressed, and my hair combed? That I was wearing shoes? I wasn’t sure, but maybe just making an appearance at a family event meant I was handling things well.

Sometime during the night, my husband’s heart had stoppedbeating, and I was certain that mine would break in two. It had takenyears of marriage and a bout with cancer, but we’d finally discoveredthe joy of a good relationship. David had loved me completely and Ihad learned what it was to truly love him in return.And now?Now, I had to learn how to live without him.

For the majority of our marriage I was so busy mothering babiesand nursing on demand that by the end of the day I didn’t even wantto be touched by David. During those sleep-deprived months whenit was all I could do to get dressed by noon, reading articles aboutrekindling the fire or dating your husband frustrated me; it was justanother chore on a huge to-do list that was never done.

Tonight I attend my thirty-fifth high school reunion with some trepidation.I have not seen most of these former classmates for thirty-some years. I am not the same young girl they knew in high school. What they cannot know, what I am just realizing myself, is that I am not even the same person I was two years ago.

Can you remember another time when your chest felt like this?”My fingers splayed across my aching chest as I carefully pondered herquestion. Then I nodded vigorously as I remembered. Tears streamed down my cheeks unchecked as I whispered hoarsely, “Yes, I do remember.After my husband died, it hurt like this. My chest felt full and heavy, and I thought then, Oh, this is what it feels like to have your heart break.

The whole encounter was surreal. No one had mentioned cancer. I hadn’t requested special treatment for Jacob. Yet he’d just nabbed a private meeting with an actor from his favorite movie. I would later ask Mike, the comic book store owner, what had prompted him to invite Jacob to the supper and a private meeting with Mr. Bulloch.“It was Jeremy at the door. He recognized something in Jacob. Jeremyis a cancer survivor.