our first night out and she's already cock blocking me.

Are they always like that?""Yes," Joey says. "Unless they're cursing each other out, but I think that's just part of their mating ritual or foreplay or whatever.

You don't look better through beer goggles," she says. "The problem is you look way too fine without them. You're like a damn demigod.""Wait, just a demigod? I was shooting for Zeus.""Ask me after we ... you know.""After you see my thunderbolt?""Jesus Christ, you're impossible.

Oh, yes, that's right--my terms. I'm sorry, but you'll have to state clearly, for the record, in your own words, your clear-minded and sober intention to ride my dick. Actually, let me go get a witness, just to be on the safe side ...

You need to just fuck already. Get it over with before you kill each other.""Ah, always the romantic, Emmy," Joey says."I'm so serious," she drawls in a drunken slur. "I don't know why you didn't pull the trigger last night, girl.""I tried!" I say. "But now he says I have to be sober if I want to hook up with him, and being sober on the road is for pussies.""Hey, pussies are tough," she says. "You should've seen the thrashing mine took last night.""Nope," I say. "No thank you.

Sunny, I can't believe you and Cole got married before me and Travis.""Travis married us in the Motel 6 parking lot last night, remember? You were my maid of honor and everything.""Goddamn, I'm never drinking PBR again," she says and makes a fake retching sound.