People don’t make good Anchors, though, Craig. They change. The people here are going to change.

You deserve them because you chose them.

It’s funny how people ask that as soon as they get you on the phone. I think it’s a byproduct of cell phones: people – girls and moms especially – want to nail you down in physical space. The fact is that you could be anywhere on a cell phone and it shouldn’t be important where you are. But it becomes the first thing people ask.

Forget the midlife crisis,” I say. “It’s all about the sixth-life crisis.

At least I’m giving someone an example not to follow.

I was already obsessed. The test had offended me by giving me questions I couldn’t answer. I intended to kill it.

You lose one friend, you pick up another.

He asked the class how many of us were taking computer science, and everybody but me and this one girl who didn’t speak English raised their hands.

This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying. The party line is that some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle, but I think they do it to make us feel important. One thing’s for sure: no one else in life says to me, “Wait, Craig, what were you going to say?

There’s great stuff in there. There’s a disease called Ondine’s Curse, in which your body loses the ability to breathe involuntarily. Can you imagine? You have to think “breathe, breathe” all the time, or you stop breathing. Most people who get it die.