A levels are approaching and Haddock’s backside is a national treasure.

I have a great contraceptive device with 100% success rate – it’s called being really fat.

The point is- who is mad and who isn’t?

Last night was one of the weirdest nights of my life. And remember – I have already been in a psychiatric ward.

I’m madly in love with a sculpted piece of testosterone wonder called Haddock.

THIS is why I’m single – I’m fat, I’m funny and I won’t take it up the bum.

I laugh everything off but inside I just remember it all and go over and over and over it.

Just to held. Just to be needed. This stupid body, It stops everything, everything that I want.

I want to save the world but I haven’t worked out a way to save myself yet.

I am written off constantly because I am fat, skint, mad and loud.