Don't bring your kids to my show, and I won't come to your house and cuss.

People used to say I'm regional, but I'm not... We all have the same human condition.

I've been offered starring roles in horrible movies, but I just didn't want to do it. I don't see why you would.

If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I'm not having fun.

TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.

I'm not willing to drag my fans down a road I don't believe in. That's just my one little principle. I've only got one, and that's it.

People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.

Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.

I don't think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy.